All of you close, personal friends of mine know I have few enemies in life. Yes, I have a low tolerance for fools, but rarely do I have an individual so evil and malicious that they are put to the enemies list. As a matter of fact, this list is a list of one.
Ahab had Moby Dick. Popeye had Brutus. And I? I have the Furnace.
It isn't this furnace in particular, really. I guess I could lump them all into one group: Furnace. As in Muggles, or Rappers, or Republicans. They are the Furnace Mafia. Because my relationship with this group didn't start with the bastard one down in my basement...
It started off with the furnace in my first condo. It would perennially go out every winter, usually on a Friday night after I'd come home from a night out 'round midnight. On a night when temps were in the 20 degree range. I could set my calendar on that damn thing. And because I had a small place with a furnace in a tiny room off the kitchen, it would sound like a freight train was rolling through my living room every time it fired up. So, after spending a few nights with my oven door open for heat, I looked forward to moving to a newer home with Mr. Gravity. And a newer, less problematic furnace (so I thought).
The first winter we moved in here, the furnace stopped working on a December afternoon one Saturday. Turns out, the belt on the motor completely seized up. But, because I do occasionally learn from my experiences, I do have the furnace insurance from the local gas company. So for a nominal monthly fee, they are on call to fix the damn thing. This visit, the repairman was here for 3 hours banging on it with a mallet to get the belt off and ended up having to come back in the morning to finish the job. If not for the insurance, the repair would have cost me over $800.
Since that time, the furnace likes to go out once a year. I think it's some sort of contract with the Furnace Union that follows people like me wherever I reside. So, we've had bad starters; dirty igniters; and the latest one, some bad ignitor wires that weren't sparking the pilot light. Of course this last example, the Furnace exacted some revenge on Mr. Gravity by burning off half his right eyebrow and singeing off some hair. There is a rare moment that makes you want to both laugh and cry, but hearing a large boom in the basement and then seeing your husband wander up with a dazed look and smoke coming from his head is DEFINATELY one of them.
Don't be a victim of the Furnace Mafia. Protect yourself. Get a radiator.
-K
Saturday, November 24, 2007
Wednesday, November 21, 2007
Once in a lifetime opportunities
I've had two things happen to me in the past few days that require a post. One was surreal, the other just plain fun, but both made me appreciate my family.
My nephew is 18 years old and in a Christian rock thrash metal band (whew!). He had a gig on Sunday at a dive bar that I used to frequent when I was not much older than he is now. So, Mr. Gravity and I drove out to see him perform. My sister (his mother), and my brother also came. But the kicker? My parents came to this hole in the wall to see him perform. They are in their late 60's, and TOTALLY do not understand this type of "music" (their caption, not mine). But there they were, supporting my nephew M and his band. How many kids can say their grandparents watched them perform thrash metal in a dive bar? How many grandparents would go? And appreciate the performance? I think they knew going in that M wouldn't be playing country music or easy listening, but I have to appreciate the open minded attitude they displayed. I can only hope that when (God willing) I reach that age, I can show my family the same love and respect.
The other thing was my niece E turned 21 last night at midnight. So her aunt K took her out for her "official" introduction to the legal nightlife. We had a ball, just her and I, having drinks and chatting up strangers and dancing. I'm very grateful that she wants to hang with her aunt, and that we are able to turn this relationship to a friendship as we age. Again, it was just plain fun, but also something I can appreciate and remember for a long time.
Happy Turkey Day!
-K
My nephew is 18 years old and in a Christian rock thrash metal band (whew!). He had a gig on Sunday at a dive bar that I used to frequent when I was not much older than he is now. So, Mr. Gravity and I drove out to see him perform. My sister (his mother), and my brother also came. But the kicker? My parents came to this hole in the wall to see him perform. They are in their late 60's, and TOTALLY do not understand this type of "music" (their caption, not mine). But there they were, supporting my nephew M and his band. How many kids can say their grandparents watched them perform thrash metal in a dive bar? How many grandparents would go? And appreciate the performance? I think they knew going in that M wouldn't be playing country music or easy listening, but I have to appreciate the open minded attitude they displayed. I can only hope that when (God willing) I reach that age, I can show my family the same love and respect.
The other thing was my niece E turned 21 last night at midnight. So her aunt K took her out for her "official" introduction to the legal nightlife. We had a ball, just her and I, having drinks and chatting up strangers and dancing. I'm very grateful that she wants to hang with her aunt, and that we are able to turn this relationship to a friendship as we age. Again, it was just plain fun, but also something I can appreciate and remember for a long time.
Happy Turkey Day!
-K
Friday, November 16, 2007
Hier ist mein meme
Hi all! Tech issues again, blah blah blah...but I won't let it keep me down, no sir! All for Fun Guv...
So, a week late but hopefully still worth doing...here is my list of 8 random things (thanks, Animal):
1) I can make my right eye go in a different direction than the left if I rub my eye just right. Good party trick, not one that is easily attained but is super creepy when done right. Marty Feldman rules!
2) I absolutely HATE to eat raw tomatos. No slices on my hamburger, no chunks in my salads. Now on the other hand, I love salsa, spaghetti sauce, ketchup and cooked tomatos in my food (chili or stir-fry). Weird, I know. I think I've narrowed it down to a texture thing. Raw tomatos are squishy; like the texture of sushi. Can't stand sashimi either.
3) My secret guilty pleasure is entertainment magazines/tv shows. I'm all over People mag, Life&Style, US, OK and E channel. I'm fully informed on the latest celebutard; the latest DUI arrest; the secret "Is he gay or isn't he?" rumblings. These people make me look like a Noble scientist, and I like feeling superior to their Stupid Human Tricks. Plus, most of them are hot.
4) I am the oldest person in my team at work. Just found this one out today, actually. So basically I work with a bunch of sarcastic, The Office watching young punks. I am 36. So I've taken to prefacing my meeting comments with "Grandma thinks we should..." I've found this pretty effective in cock-blocking the young guns. Needless to say, I have to lock my computer every time I walk away from my desk. Or the entire management staff will be receiving an email from "me"declaring my love for the guy in the next cube.
5) I have a love/hate relationship with pizza. My basic attitude about pizza is that it is like sex: any kind of pizza is good pizza. The hate part of this relationship is the calories. I'm watching my weight (watching it stay the same mostly) and trying to cut calories when I can. Of course, 2 slices of pizza are about 900 calories or more. The amount I want to eat? Easily tops 1500. My daily allotment is 1841 for the day. You do the math. Pizza, you delightful devil...I love you, man.
6) The next door neighbor's dog needs to be rescued, but I'm allergic to dogs and I can't steal him b/c he's next door. The poor thing is left outside for hours at a time (regardless of the weather). He cowers and barks at any human but me. I'll call him to the fence and he'll come running gladly for a little scratch under the chin, but if there is another person with me he'll put down his ears and back away. I'm betting the father over there kicks that poor dog, because he is especially afraid of men (Mr. Gravity). I don't have any hard proof of abuse, but as soon as I do the Humane Society is getting a phone call.
7) I love the Foo Fighters. They are one of my favorite bands. Hard rocking, but not always. But always growing musically. Pick up the latest CD Échoes,Silence and Patience. You won't be disappointed. I really think that Dave Grohl was stifled as part of Nirvana and is a great talent in his own right. Prolific, but doesn't produce junk. Go ahead, argue with me in the comments.
8) I love to spoil Mr. Gravity. It makes me happy beyond belief to buy him some gift (small or large) and surprise him with it. He is such a great person, and I'm lucky to have found him and bagged him. Hopefully I can fool him in to sticking around for 30 more years...wish me luck!
Thanks for the blog fodder, Animal. I'm out!
-K
So, a week late but hopefully still worth doing...here is my list of 8 random things (thanks, Animal):
1) I can make my right eye go in a different direction than the left if I rub my eye just right. Good party trick, not one that is easily attained but is super creepy when done right. Marty Feldman rules!
2) I absolutely HATE to eat raw tomatos. No slices on my hamburger, no chunks in my salads. Now on the other hand, I love salsa, spaghetti sauce, ketchup and cooked tomatos in my food (chili or stir-fry). Weird, I know. I think I've narrowed it down to a texture thing. Raw tomatos are squishy; like the texture of sushi. Can't stand sashimi either.
3) My secret guilty pleasure is entertainment magazines/tv shows. I'm all over People mag, Life&Style, US, OK and E channel. I'm fully informed on the latest celebutard; the latest DUI arrest; the secret "Is he gay or isn't he?" rumblings. These people make me look like a Noble scientist, and I like feeling superior to their Stupid Human Tricks. Plus, most of them are hot.
4) I am the oldest person in my team at work. Just found this one out today, actually. So basically I work with a bunch of sarcastic, The Office watching young punks. I am 36. So I've taken to prefacing my meeting comments with "Grandma thinks we should..." I've found this pretty effective in cock-blocking the young guns. Needless to say, I have to lock my computer every time I walk away from my desk. Or the entire management staff will be receiving an email from "me"declaring my love for the guy in the next cube.
5) I have a love/hate relationship with pizza. My basic attitude about pizza is that it is like sex: any kind of pizza is good pizza. The hate part of this relationship is the calories. I'm watching my weight (watching it stay the same mostly) and trying to cut calories when I can. Of course, 2 slices of pizza are about 900 calories or more. The amount I want to eat? Easily tops 1500. My daily allotment is 1841 for the day. You do the math. Pizza, you delightful devil...I love you, man.
6) The next door neighbor's dog needs to be rescued, but I'm allergic to dogs and I can't steal him b/c he's next door. The poor thing is left outside for hours at a time (regardless of the weather). He cowers and barks at any human but me. I'll call him to the fence and he'll come running gladly for a little scratch under the chin, but if there is another person with me he'll put down his ears and back away. I'm betting the father over there kicks that poor dog, because he is especially afraid of men (Mr. Gravity). I don't have any hard proof of abuse, but as soon as I do the Humane Society is getting a phone call.
7) I love the Foo Fighters. They are one of my favorite bands. Hard rocking, but not always. But always growing musically. Pick up the latest CD Échoes,Silence and Patience. You won't be disappointed. I really think that Dave Grohl was stifled as part of Nirvana and is a great talent in his own right. Prolific, but doesn't produce junk. Go ahead, argue with me in the comments.
8) I love to spoil Mr. Gravity. It makes me happy beyond belief to buy him some gift (small or large) and surprise him with it. He is such a great person, and I'm lucky to have found him and bagged him. Hopefully I can fool him in to sticking around for 30 more years...wish me luck!
Thanks for the blog fodder, Animal. I'm out!
-K
Friday, November 09, 2007
Absence makes the heart grow fonder
Sorry my loyal blogging fans (Fun Guv) that I haven't posted in a while. Without too many details, I had technical issues that are too boring to blog about. Really, really boring. I'm getting sleepy just typing this. Seriously.
I promise to pick up Animal's challenge of 8 random things in the next few days. I've also got new blog fodder about my long time nemesis for a new post.
In the meantime, just a quick observation. I've recently changed positions (in a non-sexual way) at my work. New wing, same floor (maybe if is WAS in a sexual way, it would've involved a raise). Well, the bathrooms in this area use those automatic scent dispensers to cover up any foul oders in the corporate toilet. Except, this dispenser shoots out something that smells like a cross between a bowl of Fruit Loops and the inside of a children's chewable aspirin bottle (orange flavored, natch). Really, I've got issues doing my business in the midst of all that fruity goodness. It's a bowel-stopper. It has cork capabilities. No wonder there are more cranky people around here...
-K
I promise to pick up Animal's challenge of 8 random things in the next few days. I've also got new blog fodder about my long time nemesis for a new post.
In the meantime, just a quick observation. I've recently changed positions (in a non-sexual way) at my work. New wing, same floor (maybe if is WAS in a sexual way, it would've involved a raise). Well, the bathrooms in this area use those automatic scent dispensers to cover up any foul oders in the corporate toilet. Except, this dispenser shoots out something that smells like a cross between a bowl of Fruit Loops and the inside of a children's chewable aspirin bottle (orange flavored, natch). Really, I've got issues doing my business in the midst of all that fruity goodness. It's a bowel-stopper. It has cork capabilities. No wonder there are more cranky people around here...
-K
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